


i'll kiss you through a hazmat suit

by BooyahFordhamYacht



Series: don't call me lover, it's not enough(zagene oneshots) [1]
Category: Buzzfeed The Try Guys (Web Series)
Genre: Eugene Loves Zach, Eugene is a Softie, Fluff, M/M, Plot Twist galore, tooth-rooting fluff, um, whoops?, with an unhappy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-06
Updated: 2018-03-06
Packaged: 2019-03-27 18:10:09
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,450
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13886304
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BooyahFordhamYacht/pseuds/BooyahFordhamYacht
Summary: Eugene has it all. But what's nowhere, and everywhere, except where something is?TW on this fic





	i'll kiss you through a hazmat suit

When Eugene wakes, Zach is already gone, but his side of the bed is still warm, and the sun hits it like some sort of heaven-lit place. With a smile, Eugene stretches and rolls over to feel the warmth of the morning sun on his face. Bowie, Emma and Pesto are napping where Zach should be, and when Bowie notices Eugene is awake, the small dog crawls forward just enough to rest his head on Eugene’s thigh and whine softly at him. Eugene huffs a laugh, stretches once more and gets up. 

 

He walks to the dresser and picks up the framed photo of him and Zach that sits there - a gorgeous shot of the two of them kissing at sunset in Hawaii. 

 

It’s a calm Saturday morning and Eugene is in no hurry to go about his day, but Bowie seems to want to go out and Zach is probably in the kitchen with his morning coffee. A shirt, pants and sandals later, Eugene leaves the bedroom. 

 

Zach is, of course, sat at the kitchen counter, sipping a coffee. “Hey there sleepyhead!” Zach calls playfully, and Eugene rolls his eyes. 

 

“Okay, your whole waking-up-before-10am on weekends things is  _ seriously  _ weird, babe. I think there might be something wrong with you.” Eugene jokes, and Zach huffs a laugh and slaps Eugene’s chest lightly when he leans in for a quick kiss.

 

“Maybe you should tell Dr. Morgan I’ve got issues when you go in later, then.” Zach says, and Eugene rolls his eyes. “Gene, you’re going. You skipped last week, and we both know it’s helpful, talking about your parents and stuff.”

 

“ _ Zachary _ ,” Eugene sighs, “I really don’t like going.”

 

Zach rolls his eyes and ruffles Eugene’s hair, eliciting a glare from him, which only makes Zach giggle softly. “Well that’s too bad, because I say you’re going and what I say goes.” The smaller man is clearly joking, and Eugene snorts. 

 

“Yeah? And why’s that?” Eugene moves to the door and clips leashes on all three dogs.

 

“Because I love you!” Zach singsongs, pulling a laugh from his boyfriend.

 

“I love you too, you weirdo. Be back in a moment. Wanna make pancakes while I’m gone?” Eugene jokes.

 

He swings the door shut, but of course he still hears Zach’s teasing reply “If you wanted a girl who could cook you wouldn’t have picked me!” 

 

Eugene’s laugh carries him down the stairs and out the door, Emma, Bowie and Pesto each enjoying the morning sun as much as Eugene is. He could swear that the colours are brighter ever since he and Zach had gotten together almost four years ago, but Eugene’s nowhere near that cheesy. Secretly, he’s pretty sure they are. 

 

The walk blurs past Eugene and before he knows it he’s opening the door to his apartment again, and Zach smiles at him from the couch. When Eugene releases the dogs, they jump on the couch and Zach coos at them. 

 

Upon heading to the kitchen for coffee, Eugene makes a disappointing discovery. An empty pot. 

 

“Babe, did you seriously make  _ yourself  _ coffee and not me?” Eugene feigns offense as he grabs a filter and the coffee mix from the cabinet, starting a fresh pot. 

 

Zach’s laugh sounds from the couch. “I used the single-serve Keurig, dipwad. Have you  _ ever  _ heard yourself whine about cold coffee? Figured it was easier to let you do it yourself.” 

 

Eugene rolls his eyes. “I am  _ not  _ that high-maintenance, Kornfeld!”

 

“Sure, whatever helps you sleep at night,” Zach replies, but Eugene can hear the smile in his voice. As he waits for the coffee to brew, Eugene rounds the counter to where he can see Zach from the kitchen. Zach looks like he’s glowing, smiling as he watches a  _ Two and A Half Men  _ rerun, and Bowie paws and whines for attention. He watches in silence for a moment, the coffee rumbling softly in the background noise of the telly.

 

“Babe, your dog is the high-maintenance one in the family.” Eugene grins. 

 

Zach fake gasps and puts his hands over Bowie’s ears. “He is  _ not  _ high-maintenance!” 

 

Eugene quirks an eyebrow. “Oh yeah? What is he then?”

 

Zach stutters to find a kinder word as Eugene pours himself coffee. “He’s just a little cuddly, that’s all.” 

 

“If  _ Bowie _ is ‘just a little cuddly’, then I’m a detached asshole.” Eugene snorts, and Zach chuckles, sucking in a breath.

 

“Well, you can be a little col-hey!” Zach’s attempt at revenge for the Bowie comment is quickly shut down by a gentle thump to the back of his head as Eugene comes around the couch to join him, coffee in hand.

 

“What, no coffee for your lovely boyfriend?” Zach jokes as he spots the solitary mug. Eugene rolls his eyes as he pulls the throw blanket over the two of them.

 

“You’re definitely my boyfriend. Lovely? Ask me after my coffee.” Eugene snarks.

 

“Yeah, love you too ‘Gene.” Zach ends the banter and they fall into a comfortable silence with only the television playing. Eugene spends most of the morning watching Zach, who’s transfixed by  _ Two and A Half Men  _ \- Zach loves the show, so Eugene can ogle him and not worry about getting caught. 

 

Eugene cooks a late lunch for the both of them when they finally tear themselves from the couch. Zach sneaks bites of chicken to Bowie and Pesto(Emma is chewing Bowie’s favorite stuffed animal and uninterested in the food), and Eugene chastises him for teaching them to beg. Zach pretends to listen, but then  _ accidentally  _ drops some as he clears his mostly-eaten plate. Eugene only fakes being strict about that, and he’s pretty sure that Zach’s figured out that he’s a bigger sucker for the dogs than he lets on. Hell, he’s certain, he can never hide his softer sides from Zach. 

 

Zach reads a book for a while as Eugene starts to edit his vlog, and by three thirty, Eugene unfortunately notices Zach eyeing the clock.  _ Damnit _ . Eugene had hoped maybe Zach would forget, but nothing gets by him. Except, like, a baseball. 

 

“Gene?” Zach asks. 

 

Eugene feigns innocence. “Yeah babe?”

 

“You have somewhere to be in 30 minutes.” and Eugene can tell from Zach’s tone that he can’t get out of going this time. Eugene huffs and pushes off the couch, heading into the bedroom to get his things together.

 

“Love you!” Zach calls as Eugene opens the door.    
  


“Yeah,” Eugene grumps, but before he can pull the door all the way shut he swings it open a little bit to look back at Zach. “Love you too,” he says meekly. Zach flashes him a shit-eating grin and a thumbs-up. Eugene half-smiles and heads to Dr. Morgan’s.

 

“So, Eugene, how are you doing today?” Dr. Morgan asks as they get settled in. She’s a kind woman, but Eugene would really rather be home.

 

“I’m really good today.” Eugene says, and Dr. Morgan nods, happy to hear that, and clearly ushering him to continue. He does. “We had a great morning, and Bowie’s doing a lot better with accidents in the house since he had that rough stretch.”

 

“We?” Dr. Morgan frowns. 

 

“You know, me and Zach and the dogs. Remember we moved in together?” Eugene asks. 

 

“Eugene, why do you think you’re here?” Dr. Morgan asks. 

 

“Well, I should say I’m here to talk about my parents’ divorce and my ‘troubled childhood’, but frankly I’m really here today because Zach made me come.” Eugene smiles, and Dr. Morgan does not. 

 

“Eugene, I am not a family therapy counselor. I’m a grief counselor. Six months ago, you and Zach were in a car accident. A sixteen-wheeler ran a red light and hit the passenger side of your car, you were driving. Miraculously, you were pretty much unharmed. Zach… didn’t make it. Do you remember any of that?”

 

Eugene recoils like he’s been slapped. “No, no that’s not right, I just saw him. He’s at home with the dogs. He’s… at  _ our  _ home.” 

 

He stands and rushes from the room as Dr. Morgan calls after him, begging him to sit down. He runs back to the apartment, and throws the door open. The dogs greet him at the door as always, their presence reassures him that he’s right. 

 

Eugene searches the entire apartment. The last room he enters is the bedroom. It’s empty. A photo frame face down on the floor catches his eye. He lifts it. The glass is shattered, only pieces remaining, It’s the photo of him and Zach in Hawaii, only this time it’s damaged in the frame.  

 

The memories hit him like a sixteen wheeler, and Eugene faints. 

 

When he opens his eyes, Zach is gone.

**Author's Note:**

> i fucked up. told y'all i would write some happy shit. didn't see that one coming, did ya?
> 
> find me on twitter and tumblr @ unsolvedmaggie to yell at me, or to request a certain ship or fic!


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